Almost over?

It seems like not that long ago my first semester was winding down at Cedarville, and I was amazed that (somehow) I was still standing at the end.  Well, now it's the end of my first semester as a senior...which means there is only one semester remaining after Dec. 11, and it's freaky.  Not only is there the question of "how did I make it through the past 3.5 year?", but now there's also the impending question of "what am I supposed to do with my life?"

Some people have an easy answer for this: get a job, get married, have kids, make money, pay off student loans, become successful, etc.  Well, what if the options that I want aren't anywhere in sight?  What if the ideas that sound appealing aren't anywhere close to becoming a reality?  Sure, I can go out and get a job someplace, but in order to meet the post-grad demands, that will most likely require a boring 9-5 job that will make me go crazy.  Trust me, that's a bad thing for everyone involved. ;)

With a lot of plans that I had been making over this past year suddenly falling through in the past couple of months, it leaves me feeling really stuck and wondering "what on earth is going on, and how is this ever going to work out?"  While this stuck feeling is looming, a bunch of other people are asking "what do you want to do after graduation?  What are your career and life goals for after college?"  Honestly, I don't have a good answer to any of the questions...even my own.  Sure, I have some ideas for the summer, but only a summer job is not going to pay off tuition loans or help in saving up for a car....  Grad school?  Yeah, it sounds really appealing, but am I only looking into it because of feeling totally unprepared for post grad, and it's a comfort zone?  After all, this is my 16th year of education...and that's just talking grades, not even preschool and listening to my sister's phonics lessons as a kid.  After spending so much time doing one thing, of course it seems natural and second nature...so why mess with that, right?  I know the rules of an education: show up to class, do the work, turn it in, get the grades.  Repeat.  It's not that incredibly difficult, right?  After 16 years it's easy...the work may be difficult sometimes, but the whole process is a piece of cake.

So what now?  Now that I'm almost done earning a college degree and now need to look into options of earning money to pay off the college degree...what now?  I don't have a clue...and that's one of the scariest realizations of my life.

God is Good

Is it really amost over?

It is undoubtedly, and unexplainably, one of those days

I'm in one of those moods where playing sad songs and crying sounds really appealing... I don't know exactly why, have some hunches, but nothing solid.

My life has been sold to the theatre once again, and in more ways than every before...not sure I'll be able to successfully balance all of it.

Took some pictures around campus today...some of them came out awesome, others I just like because their different.

I'm already exhausted, and have been since the first week of classes....which is pathetic.

Wish I was back in Colorado...they already had snowfall on Mt. Princeton...that happens when the peak has an elevation over 14,000...

BarlowGirl's new CD "Love & War" is amazing...just thought I'd throw in something more peppy...

Long time to blog

It's been a really long time since writing something here.  Over three months.  A lot has happened.

1. I worked in Colorado over the summer and was challenged in numerous ways.  God has been using all of these challenges to stretch me, and continually reveal things about myself, while forming me into His image.  It's difficult, but beatiful.

2. This goes along with the challenges, but just to put it out there and be completely honest...I am single.  Mike is not even on campus.  He finished up the summer at Summit and is now in the middle of their college-age program, Summit Semester, which does not permit for much communication.  We are still friends and will be writing letters to each other throughout the semester.

3. God has shown me, continually, that I am nothing on my own...and whenever (yes, when...not if) I attempt to do things in my own power, it miserably fails.  That is not neccesarily a bad thing, just frustrating and difficult to learn.

4. My STP is coming up next semester, and I have a lot to do this semester for the prep stages.  It will be a TON of work, but exciting at the same time....now to balance it with six classes and still do well in all of them.  Hmmm...goodness knows the STP material is way more interesting, but right now, those other six classes are for grades.

5. Some of my friends over the past few years are not as close as they were in the past.  It's weird and a little disheartening to watch all of the changes (within them and even myself) as they impact our relationships.

6. I am not the perfect, little goodie-two-shoes that most people picture.  I am rebellious, in some ways, and have no doubt in my mind that Christ is the strength behind reigning in my rebellion.  There was a little taste of my rebellion over the summer, and though it was quite exhilerating at the time, it is also shocking and freaky.

7. One thing that has not changed, is that I hate public speaking as myself and not a character in a play.  It still terrifies me, and probably always will.  Hopefully this Oral Interpretation class will help, but we'll see what happens throughout the semester.

8. I cannot get enough of the song "Love Song For A Savior" by Jars of Clay....it is truly amazing, and totally where God is leading me right now.

9. I have a grad school, and program, all selected.  Now it's a matter of applying, getting references, and getting over the lump of my GPA which seems to be stuck right below the preferred minimum for admissions.

10. It is strange to be a senior.....that's about it.